Starting back where we left off…

I guess that this title is quite apt really as me writing this blog may well be a VERY sound metaphor for life, a strange comparison I know, but just hear me out on this one as in some respects I’m TOTALLY going with the flow and truly just writing what comes to my mind. Like I said, with me the writer and you the listener I am aspiring to create some type of continuity in my sharing of thought and mind. This sharing of course has a desired outcome, albeit I do not know it in its totality. However; yet again that may be much said for life and here is to say why. Like I have said before, it is my intention to impart with you an understanding, within you, that you are not alone, in fact there are Billions of us human like creatures upon this planet that all question themselves, their beliefs, who they are and what they represent, not only to themselves but also to their creator and to others upon this planet. Well the thing is, I have been there, trust ME, I HAVE BEEN THERE! I have been to the dark depths of the mind, filled with its toxic confusion and distresses, I have absolutely given up hope and lost all belief in life itself. I remember the days looking out of the sliding doors in my parents living room, looking at the rain soaked sky and garden and just crying with despair and distress. As it was raining without, it was also raining within and it did not stop, for a VERY long time. Once again, I may say, trust me, I most CERTAINLY have my reasons to cry, I have my losses, my losses of self, ie, me, who I was, my spirit and my energy to a degree, and yet I had also lost the closest thing that I could have ever had in my life. I often say that I will tell you things in the future and do you know what? once again I was about to say exactly the same thing but, I owe you more than that, I owe you the truth about where I have been, why and how I have come out of it. This is not a story where I look for pity, nor the admiration of bravery because at some point we ALL get given our own personal trials that will test us to our core, that will test our faith. And I guess, in some ways that is really is the heart of the matter, having faith. Like I have also mentioned before also, I am not talking about having faith in a pseudo, made up God that is sitting upon the “imaginary” thrown in the lofts of heaven, no, that is not what I mean. But I mean having faith in the fact that you are a child of the mighty universe and that you will ONLY get given a little more than you can handle so that  it WILL test your faith and intentionally, so that you can prove your resolve and worthiness and it is only that faith where you get to BELIEVE, ABSOLUTELY, that things will be OK and “come good” in the end. Yes, we get given shit stuff do deal with and yes we may say that it’s not fair but hey, let’s just deal with it. I don’t know if any of you people have ever been rock climbing but for the few of you that you have you may get this little analogy. There comes a point when you are climbing a wall or a face when your arms become dead and the muscles as weak as a child’s and there is nowhere to go. More often than not this will happen on an open face with no cropping for you to take a rest so your kinda only left with one option and that is to get a good foot hold and hug in tight to the wall. You have to hug in tight because otherwise your arms will consume vital glucose and weaken, you are putting no pressure upon your arms at all to save what little strength they have left! In fact, your cheek is firmly pressed up against the face so that you can get in as tight as possible you are literally jut hanging in there. Well, do you know what, sometimes life is like that! Sometimes we get given so much shit that we are too tired and too drained to carry on climbing, too disorientated to look for the next foothold or hand hold and rest assured there is no F’in ledge or out cropping to rest on anywhere to be seen! So in effect, you are just hanging in there and do you also know what, that is where your faith comes in. Faith not to look down otherwise it will freak you out, faith to not try to make a move as you are just so tired you know that you can’t make it as you will fall and in fact faith to not even consider the final destination as it LITERALLY seems like a mountain climb away. So what do we do, we hang in there and have faith that we will recover, we will gather our strength and our faculties will recoup. We have faith that our destiny has been assured, which really is an interesting topic, as I do truly believe that our destiny is already written and we shall once again ABSOLUTELY reunite with our creating source, but alas, you knew that it was coming, we’ll save that one for another time. Hanging in there though, like I said, trust me, I have been there. On the 4th of November 1999 I came home, to my parents house, to see one of my brothers waiting down the end of the road for me to make sure that I didn’t make it home just yet. The news that he had for me was about to smash my “known world” to pieces. It turns out that earlier on that day my twin brother had committed suicide by hanging himself. It’ll be a difficult for anyone to imagine so in fairness to you, I’m not even going to ask you to try and imagine what it feels like or what DEVASTATION it brought to me and the rest of my family, it was like an atom bomb! Like I said, the point here is not for me to get your sympathy or admiration, life just is, it’s fucked up! and we have NO WAY of knowing what the FUCK is going to happen next, unless, we persevere and learn for long enough about cause and effect and how we get to create our own future existence. This really is though about some of those times that we just need to hang in there, have a little faith and BELIEVE that things are going to be OK. So where do we “start as we left off” as the title of this little post may suggest? Well; one of the craziest things that I have EVER experienced in this life so far, is a sporadic, uncontrollable mind. It’s like giving a 4 year old child, LOADS of sweets laden with sugar,colourings and preservatives and then giving them SHIT LOADS of amphetamines at the same time, it is FUCKING CRAZY! You don’t know where you are going, or WHAT you are doing, there is ABSOLUTELY no clue what so EVER! No concept of following any particular order at all, well once again that is a time to have faith and in fact, that then is a BEAUTIFUL time to set a goal. Set a goal that one day all things will be OK. And do you know what, that is it, that is all you need to do. For all of the distress and confusion that is going on, that is all you need to come back to, “one day, all will be OK” That’s it! Nothing else! It’s kinda like hanging in on that rock face with nowhere to go and that you have no energy to move neither your arms or legs. You can’t look down because the fall is too much, it’ll kill you, and there is no point in looking up either because you are too tired to even move, let alone get there so what do you do? STOP, allow the mind to settle, the body to gather its vital force, and just have faith. All will be OK, just hang in there, hug tight and slow your breathing to a calm, relaxed, composed manner so that you can take it all in and slowly, as time passes, you will have the energy to move forwards, your mind WILL become clear, foot holds and hand holds will present themselves without you even having to look for them, they will just be there. In fact I believe there there is a Christian story called “FOOTPRINTS” that sums everything up rather well actually and it really is quite a LOVELY story, you should read it. So what does this gathering of ourselves allow us to do? Well, within the midst of confusion can be a moment of PURE clarity, kinda like the eye of the storm I guess, and what this gathering does it allows us to regroup and to regain our clarity and to move on, move on that little bit wiser and that little bit stronger and hey, who knows, perhaps we are then able to help others when they face a similar situation or when they run out of energy and will, upon that bare, lonely mountain face that is called the individual’s mind because do you know what, if I have been there and you have been there, then they have too, we either all have or we all will, at some point, and what EVERYONE needs is an experienced guide to say “hey, it’s OK, all will be fine. Just have a little faith, regroup, gather yourself, and allow your energy to come back and wait for the next step or hand hold to appear” There is no need to show false bravery or to pretend or to be stupid because sometimes it really is a matter of just saying, “OK, I got this” and then starting back where we left off, to continue with the journey, the journey of a LIFETIME!

You have my hand, you are NOT alone….

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